Another Chance At the Road Not Taken

First, let me blame this  post on Jennifer Lopez. I'm watching Jennifer and George Clooney in No way Out and she just said something along the lines of, I want to know what is going to happen. That uncertainty, when you are looking toward a future possibility or something that isn't going to go anywhere, with no clue how it's going to turn out, it's a tough thing to endure. It's hard to say, well I can wait this out, I have all the patience in the world. I do not have all the patience in the world. I like to know how something is going to turn out and I like to know as soon as possible.


I've made the mistake of falling for an old friend.  Or maybe it won't turn out to be a mistake. That would be a very pleasant surprise. He's a nice man who has seen more than the usual share of hard times. I've known him since he was 10 years old (and I was 13). Next month will mark the occasion that we shared a kiss 16 years ago. At that point we went back to being friends, never repeating the kiss or even talking about it until recently.

It was only a couple of months ago, maybe a little less, when he found himself single and broken-hearted. He's been my friend for a long time, so when I saw him struggling, I offered up my shoulder. In the span of the last 3 years, I've gone through first one big and then one smaller broken-hearted spell of my own. I'm something of an expert on the subject.

At first he was angry, then he was sad, then he was angry again. Throughout this time he's remained confused. I get the feeling that he doesn't understand what he did to lose her. This is not a good sign. Even someone who is cheated on or lied to or whatever plays some small part in a breakup. To not recognize that part, well that means you are missing an opportunity for growth. You've got to learn to recognize the wrong way before you can learn how to do it the right way.

In talking to this man, he's changed from old friend to new crush. He tells me things, things that other men hold close, things they keep secret.  What woman wouldn't respond to that kind of talk? Then, he started with the flirting, asked me to come see him, complimenting my eyes, my face, my whatever. He didn't sound angry anymore. I could feel my mind opening, the lock on my heart loosening a bit. Yesterday he said something along the lines of sleeping beside someone is what gets a man out of bed and to work in the morning, a reason to come back home. Damn, I thought. I liked that.

This is what I've been missing - a man who wants to be loved, who works hard and respects his job, but doesn't think in terms of money signs. I want a man who is complex, but also simple. Someone who shares from his heart and doesn't attack my ideas or politics or the fact that I floss my teeth every day. I don't know if this man will end up being that man, but in seeing this side of an old friend, I'm suddenly really excited about the possibilities.